he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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