Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
