I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
