and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
