walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
