You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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