Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
