My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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