She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
