There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
