I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
