Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
