my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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