it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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