I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
