Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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