Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
