For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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