How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is Oprah even human
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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