Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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