In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
