I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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