I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
