I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
