She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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