can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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