i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sext me about skeletons
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
