It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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