Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
