I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
