the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the day after is always just damage control
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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