I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
