Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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