Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
In America we eat man semen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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