Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
