Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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