sarcasm needs its own font
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
