I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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