Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
