we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
