yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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