Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
