Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
