I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
