He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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