I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
