To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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