about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
