best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
