doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
