You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
