Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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