Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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