Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
