Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
