It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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