Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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