Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
