I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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