No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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