No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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