I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
