Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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