I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
