I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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