i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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