Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My hand turned me down
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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