Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
