remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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