Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i've created a new STD.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
