Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
