Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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