If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
