I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
