Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
