Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
