Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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